And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
