I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
