my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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