I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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