Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
