Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
