We're like a lot better than the average bears
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize