Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
