it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
