Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
