so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
