we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
