I puked a lego.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
