i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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