he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
