textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
