I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
