The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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