So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
