Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
