yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
