She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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