Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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