I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
