I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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