you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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