Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
