some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
