i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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