last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
