I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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