i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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