paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
