you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
