Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
