I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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