Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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