We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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