The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
