3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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