There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize