The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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