i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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