You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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