am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
