apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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