just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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