she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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