Four minutes until I can fart!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
