I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
