And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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