My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize