The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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