I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize