i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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