i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize