She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
