I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
