sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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