Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
