I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
