By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
