ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
