i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
