I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
