whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
