i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
