imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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