Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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