I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
